After Santa Claus is kidnapped, the North Pole's Head of Security must team up with a notorious hacker in a globe-trotting, action-packed mission to save Christmas.
Gather round, cinephiles and folks who just wandered in for some holiday escapism! Let’s unwrap the shiny, overproduced package that is Red One. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Chris “America’s Ass” Evans team up for what can only be described as the Avengers meets Elf on a sugar high. And not the good kind of sugar high—the kind that makes you question all your life choices.
The Plot: Ho, Ho, No!
Here’s the premise: Santa Claus gets kidnapped. (Of course, he does. What else was Santa doing? Paying his elves a living wage?) Enter Callum Drift (Johnson), the North Pole’s Head of Security and a guy who apparently has nothing better to do than deliver punchlines with his biceps. He teams up with Jack O’Malley (Evans), a notorious hacker who’s so edgy he probably has a side hustle selling NFTs of himself smirking. Together, they embark on a globe-trotting mission to save Christmas and, presumably, their acting careers.
Lucy Liu shows up as Zoe, the obligatory badass, and J.K. Simmons cashes a $700,000 check to play Nick (aka Santa) while spending 90% of the movie asleep. Honestly, I respect the hustle, J.K. — you’re living my dream.
What I Liked:
Let’s start with the positives—because it’s the holidays, and I’m feeling generous. Some of the humor actually lands. There is some fun action and there’s a scene involving reindeer with a vendetta that made me spit out my eggnog. And the special effects? Well, they’re a mixed bag. When they’re good, they’re great. When they’re bad, they look like someone handed a toddler a green screen and said, “Go nuts.” Now we know this one is for kids so you have to temper the expectations a little. I just wish they could have kept it all looking the same. There was a wide range of quality here.
What I Didn’t Like:
Where do I begin? The entire movie feels like someone raided Marvel’s ideas drawer and stitched together every discarded plotline. Dark magic? Check. Witches? Check. A glowing Orb that’s totally not an Infinity Stone? Check. Come on, Hollywood, can we get some originality?
And let’s talk about the acting. Chris Evans plays Jack O’Malley with all the nuance of a guy who’s been told to look handsome and smirk. Meanwhile, Dwayne Johnson does what Dwayne Johnson does: upstages everything, including Santa Claus. If there’s a scene where Santa’s sleigh crashes into a building, you’d better believe The Rock’s pecs will be the focal point.
And why, WHY, must every holiday movie these days feature dark magic and witches? Was Mrs. Claus not enough conflict for you, Hollywood? You’ve got elves, reindeer, and a guy who breaks into people’s houses with cookies as his only payment. That’s all the material you need for a classic.
Final Verdict: 6.8/10
Red One is like a fruitcake: heavy, overly sweet, and full of stuff you didn’t ask for. It’s not the worst thing you’ll watch this holiday season, but it’s also not the gift you’ll be re-gifting anytime soon. If you’re in it for the laughs and don’t mind a plot that’s more tangled than Christmas lights in a basement, give it a go. Just don’t expect it to replace Die Hard as your holiday favorite.
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