A father and son working as security guards for an armored truck company encounter a team of would-be robbers while on a bridge. They become trapped and must come up with a plan to escape and ensure their survival.
Let me ask you something—what’s the over/under on how many bridges Sylvester Stallone has metaphorically burned in Hollywood? Add one more to the count because in Armor, he’s literally on one, and folks, it’s on fire. Or at least it’s full of armored trucks, would-be robbers, and more daddy issues than a daytime talk show. Welcome to the latest installment of "Movies Dan Watches So You Don’t Have To"—a.k.a. the movie blog you didn’t know you needed but will absolutely come back to because sarcasm is my cardio.
So, here’s the deal. Armor stars Sly Stallone (yes, the guy whose abs were once their own co-stars), Josh Wiggins (a kid you’ll probably Google halfway through), and Dash Mihok (he’s like that guy at the party you recognize but can’t place, but here he’s grizzled and stressed). The plot? Oh, it’s simple: a father-son duo working as armored truck guards end up trapped on a bridge during a robbery attempt. Chaos ensues, bullets fly, and there’s a lot of yelling—mostly by me at the screen.
Stallone as the Baddie—Finally
First, let’s address the 800-pound Stallone in the room: Sly plays a villain. This is only the second time he’s done this since Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over back in 2003, which, let’s be honest, barely counts because no one’s scared of a bad guy wearing goggles. Before that, he went bad against David Carradine in 1975’s Death Race 2000. That’s almost 50 years of good-guy grunting, so seeing Sly channel his inner dastardly was, frankly, overdue. And honestly? He’s pretty good at it. He growls like a Doberman with a hernia and delivers lines so menacing they almost make you forget he’s wearing a puffy jacket that screams, “I shop at Guns and Ammo."
What Works (Kind of)
The father-son dynamic here is actually decent. Josh Wiggins does a respectable job of looking terrified, angry, and confused—all the emotions you’d expect when stuck on a bridge with Stallone and a gang of robbers. Dash Mihok brings his gruff everyman charm, and their chemistry is believable enough to carry the story. The tension builds well, and the confined bridge setting adds a nice sense of claustrophobia.
And let’s not forget the popcorn-level entertainment factor. Sometimes, you don’t need a plot as intricate as a Swiss watch—just give me guns, a couple of quips, and Stallone threatening someone, and I’ll watch it.
What Doesn’t Work (Oh Boy)
Now for the not-so-good. First off, why does every action hero these days have to come pre-packaged with more trauma than a soap opera? Can we get through one movie where the characters aren’t dealing with PTSD, a broken marriage, or some tragic backstory? Just give me a clean slate of badassery, thank you.
Then there’s the plot hole you could drive an armored truck through: Where are the other cars? A bridge robbery in broad daylight, and nobody shows up? Did the writers assume we’d believe the entire county was stuck in traffic on another bridge?
Lastly, the plot is serviceable but predictable. You know what’s coming 10 minutes in, but hey, at least it’s entertaining. It’s like ordering fast food—you know it’s not Michelin-star cuisine, but sometimes, you just need fries.
Final Thoughts
Armor isn’t going to win any Oscars, but it’s not trying to. It’s a solid B-movie with an A-list face in Stallone, a decent supporting cast, and just enough explosions to keep your interest. It’s not a bad way to spend 90 minutes, but don’t expect it to linger in your mind longer than the drive home.
Final Rating: 6.8/10
#ArmorMovie #SylvesterStallone #JoshWiggins #ActionMovies #StalloneGoesBad #BridgeDrama #MovieReview #WhatToWatch #ActionThriller #DanWatches
Opmerkingen